Silenced Insecurities

i never realized how disappointing it is to see someone and not be able to sit down and share things with them.learn about them,learn with them,share a little of your heart and soul. Those are the things i crave. learning things about people. The simple and the complicated. The surface and the soul. I’ve found my favorite thing to talk about is Jesus..which is something i’ve always wished i would love to talk about. [ one of my weird goals.People say if you truly love someone,than you love to talk about them. Well, My goal was to love God so much that i could just talk about him for hours.]

So anyways, i saw many friends today. Best friends and friends that i don’t know as well. But i never actually got the opportunity to sit,share,talk,love. i goofed off. i danced.But we didn’t get down to hardcore conversations.It’s like we were together,but somehow not connected. i strive to be connected. So,i guess i’m a little more complicated than i realized. i love to learn about people. hear their opinions and share mine.

I also feel a lack of love. there are tons of friends i’m really wanting to see but because of other obligations, i can’t. I’m too busy and i’m afraid that they’ll get mad or give up on the friendship because i haven’t gotten together with them. i love them,i want to see them, but i just can’t. Seriously,i’ve tried. But for now,this month. i just can’t.

So to anyone who is reading this and is thinking about me saying “lets get together!” or “I would love to hang out” . i meant it. I never say things i don’t mean. So if i said that, i’m still wanting to get together with you. I’m still wanting to learn about you and build a stronger friendship. Please have patience with me. I’m trying to have more time for people…but its kind of hard when you can’t drive.